Let You Break My Heart Again

 

About a 19 year old teenager who is currently studying at a private university in Indonesia. Has this become one of the problems of his heart during his life? Can he overcome this problem when he really still needs a man who makes his days colorful when he feels that home is not a comfortable place? Can he get through the days without him? 

Hello all, this is my story. Just call me Anna. I am a child born into a simple family. I am a student at a university in Indonesia. I want to tell you a little about myself first. Yep, I'm a very stubborn person, highly egotistical, highly emotional, and overthinking too. With my nature, that made him uncomfortable, so he left me, slipped away. a brief introduction to myself Alright, let's start with the story... 

You could call him a friend as well, but he is of a different gender than me. Who would think that a boy and a girl can't be friends?  I'm sure a lot of people would say that. Okay, just call him Arda. He is the first child of a wealthy family. He has similarities with me. He is the same as the first child who is very stubborn person, and in my opinion, he is a selfish, spoiled, animal lover until he wants to make a farm. It's cool, he has broad thoughts like that. He is also a person who doesn't want to give in. Don't get me wrong, he also has thousands of virtues, from being generous with people around him, not calculating, friendly so he easily gets along with new people, and always cares about the people around him. Ah, that's all for the description.

We've been friends since I was little because our houses are side by side, only blocks apart. From kindergarten, elementary, middle, and high school, we were all at the same school. Even when we were in high school, we both went together until our friends thought that I and he were really weird brothers and sisters. Brother and sister are not twins, hahaha. 

When I was in high school, he and I got closer until we had a group like that, which in my case consisted of  3 girls and 3 guys, namely, I, Arda, Zahra, Cala, Alvaro, and Edgar. But when we were about to graduate, suddenly Edgar walked away. We were left with five people. We graduated together, but at that time we had to separate because of different goals for the next level of education. Cala in Jogja and Arda in Purwokerto. The rest of me, Zahra, and Alvaro are still being attacked by the same campus. Yes, I really felt sad when I found out that Arda was accepted at one of her dream universities. Not sad because she didn't allow her to study far away, but sad because from childhood we both had to separate because the future.

As time went on, he left for Purwokerto because it was time for offline lectures, so he had to stay in his boarding house. So sorry to say goodbye because every day he and I either buy food or he asks me to take him to buy what he needs. 

When he was there, we always communicated, never broke, basically 24/7. The phone was never turned off. Isn't it broken?  haha. There must be someone who thinks how can you guys be friends like that or don't get carried away? Of course you can't, haha. At first I said I believed that it was possible to make friends with girls, but instead I was consumed by my own words. Yes, after walking for a long time doing daily activities like that, he and I both got carried away with each other's feelings. So how's the friendship? Don't worry, we can be professional. Finally, we run the relationship at that point. Yes, ldr Dong? Yes, I know for sure that many do not believe in LDR, including me. hehe. But after we run together, we try to trust each other, but stupidly, I always can't because I'm back again with my nature, which is always overthinking. I always have negative thoughts about him every day. Maybe he's even bored because I don't trust him all the time. Yes, his name is also LDR. Isn't it natural to be afraid that the guy there will do something bad? But with me always thinking negatively, it makes him uncomfortable and the problem arises in the end. What's the problem, please tell me? Please be patient. 

Okay, I'll tell you, so at that time our relationship was backstreet from Alvaro, Zahra, and Cala, which I talked about earlier, hehe, with the aim that there would be no awkwardness between us when we were together. At that time, he had an event from campus. He was right to have permission with me, but I got a report that he was riding with another girl who turned out to be I know the girl. Wow, I'm really disappointed. Usually he always gives permission if he wants to ride with a girl, but this time he didn't say it right. I'm really surprised And it's my fault. I didn't talk to him right away, but instead I silenced him for no apparent reason. We ended up fighting for no apparent reason. Because I was careless and didn't think long enough, I ended up breaking up with him without me talking about the reason because he didn't want to be honest with me either.

At that time, we had a big fight, and yes, you know how a girl fights, she cries for sure hehe. At first, he refused my decision because he said he still needed me very much and he thought I was his last choice. But there, my mind was really in a mess, mixed with disappointment, so I couldn't think for long. After that, he accepted my decision. And at that time, we kept fighting over things that were not clear. I even looked for solid evidence of the news, and finally I revealed it to him, and he was surprised I could find out the news there. He apologized, but still did not want to relent back to his stubborn nature, who did not want to be blamed. He made various excuses to defend himself. I ended up getting more and more disappointed and I decided not to reply to his messages. 

The next day, he sent a message to me asking for help doing his assignment, and after that, I also asked for help teaching statistics material for my assignment. At that time, I had a thought that I would be fine like before, but it turned out to be impossible. He kept blaming me and even hated me because of the reason I had left. He left when he really needed me. I left without wanting to listen to his explanation. Yes, I fought for the second time on one issue. After that, I was really haunted by my guilt. Even though he did something wrong, it didn't make sense, didn't it? At that time, I was really stressed and really sick in the corner by him. I didn't know what else to do until I thought about ending my life. Astagfirullah, I can't imitate it.

At that time, I told one of his friends who told me about the incident, and he gave me advice to tell one of my friends first. I chose to tell Zahra. Finally, I told Zahra from start to finish, and her response was really surprised that I closed it all this time. Luckily, she wasn't disappointed with me, hehe. Finally, he calmed me down, and he was able to comfort me. And until now, I always told Zahra that she wanted me to be professional because I still have friendships to maintain. And until now, I've always tried to be fine even though I'm haunted by feelings of regret. I thought, why should I know if I knew the ending would be like this. Done